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The 9mm, here's why..............not

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  • The 9mm, here's why..............not

    The Five Reasons Law Enforcement agencies are going to the 9mm
    1: Quotas
    In years past law enforcement has been about law enforcement. Today it’s more of a social experiment. The physical size and skills requirements to become a cop have long since been abandoned. When affirmative action quotas began filling the ranks with cops who could not meet the training standards, those standard were lowered to accommodate them. This is simply an extension of those policies.
    One highly placed source in federal law enforcement said, “We find the today’s smaller, weaker, less motivated and less talented law enforcement officers cannot handle the recoil generated by the grown up pistol cartridges. So rather than face the expensive lawsuits and endure the relentless media attention, we simply lowered the standards again. We have found that this is a simple way to fly below the public’s radar on these issues. We believe that the concept of ‘go along to get along’ trumps any need for competent law enforcement.
    “I fully expect this trend with the handguns and new recruits will continue over the years and project that with a few more advancements in bullet technology we will be arming the next generation of LE officers with .22 LR handguns.”
    According to our investigative reporter, most upper management in LE circles believe that the polymer .380 is the perfect issue gun for today’s new recruits.
    According to our investigative reporter, most upper management in LE circles believe that the polymer .380 is the perfect issue gun for today’s new recruits.

    2: Less Lethality
    Studies have shown that in most cop shootings, the bad guys are rarely hit. But sometimes innocent bystanders catch a bullet. Several members of law enforcement’s upper management told our reporter that they believe that switching to a 9mm will reduce the fatality rate of these “collateral damage” victims.
    Given that the cops occasionally do hit the bad guys, they also state that the 9mm will lead to a drop in wrongful death lawsuits from the perpetrator’s families. Quoting one southern big city police chief, “If that sombitch ain’t dead, all his asshole relatives can’t sue me for wrongful death.”
    We discovered that this change to the 9mm was also lobbied for by the trial lawyers. Apparently they were complaining that the larger pistol cartridges were killing too many potential clients. A Shop Steward for the International Brotherhood of Lawyers said they believed that using a larger handgun cartridge was an example of unfair labor practices.
    He told our reporter, “The 9mm is expected to leave more survivors after any police shootings, both perpetrators and bystanders. As a result the lawyer industry can continue on a growth path. We see that as progress.”

    3: Magazine Capacity
    One of the top ranking law enforcement management officers for a huge federal agency said this; “Training is becoming very expensive. Have you looked at the price of ammo these days? We need that money for other expenditures like our community outreach programs and for management to attend the crucial Law Enforcement seminars held throughout the year in places like Las Vegas and Hawaii.
    “Besides, most of our new recruits complain that training is hard and boring. Plus, there have been several lawsuits against our instructors for bullying and those are very expensive to defend. So we decided to cut back on training. To compensate we are switching to the 9mm handguns to boost the magazine capacity. We have found that most of our recruits now get their training by watching rap videos and as a result they have adapted what is called in the common street vernacular the, “spray and pray” shooting technique. For that to be properly executed, a large magazine capacity is required.
    “Although this method often results in the wrong people being hit by bullets, we know you are all guilty of something so we in law enforcement, as a whole, are good with that.”

    4: Smaller Pistols
    Quoting a very high profile Sheriff. “All this PC bullshit has forced me to hire a bunch of pansy-ass, chicken-shit, asswipes as cops. These skinny, little vegan-eating dickwads all got carpel tunnel from playing video games and complained that the guns we used were too heavy. I said ‘screw em,’ but the unwiped asses filed a lawsuit and the Obama appointed judge said I had to give them smaller handguns. I asked what they wanted and they all play some war game on line and liked the 9mm. So I got them 9mm guns so the little assholes would shut the hell up and leave me alone.”

    5: The Sheep Syndrome
    The attorney general for a big Northeastern state summed this up nicely.
    “Shit man, ain’t any of us ever had an original thought. We mostly just try to see what everybody else is doing and we do that. We claim we are cutting edge, but we ain’t, we just following the crowd.”
    Time and time again, our probing investigator dug deep into areas where the law enforcement officials didn’t want to go. As a result, he discovered that almost without exception the decision makers adapted a “follow the herd” mentality. As career bureaucrats they have discovered that following the herd while taking credit lets them keep their jobs.
    A state police chief for a mid-west state said, “If the FBI is going back to the 9mm, then by God, so are we. I’ll just tell the public it’s because of improvements in the ammo or some other bullshit. Hell son, if you hold a press conference and look all official and about half pissed off for wasting your time, they will buy anything.”

    It's knowing that when I get up in the morning and my feet hit the floor, the Devil says, "Shit! He's awake!"

    Shortly before World War I, the German Kaiser was the guest of the Swiss government to observe military maneuvers. The Kaiser asked a Swiss militiaman: "You are 500,000 and you shoot well, but if we attack with 1,000,000 men what will you do?" The soldier replied: "We will shoot twice and go home."

    "There are so many Russians, and our country so small, where will we find room to bury them all?" - anonymous Finnish soldier

  • #2
    " If you want peace,prepair for war "- Imi Lichtenfeld
    '' I don't like to fight, I like to win!" -Me


    • #3
      There's more than a few grains of truth in that report...
      "Kill evil. It's how quality of life is achieved. Carry on."---Ted Nugent


      • #4
        The bright side would be that maybe they could surplus all the .40 they have hoarded.

        The 1911 was designed for men who were on average smaller than today, they shot one handed, and they cleaned a lot of clocks.


        • #5
          Maybe they should issue hand guns only as a weapon of last resort; to be used only when contemplating suicide after having ones a$$beaten by the bad guys or being the cause of collateral damage. Main weapons to be used when on patrol: swords and axes!!!!
          Amerika: the land of dumba$es and pussies!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More shitpie please!!!!
          I stand with Israel !!!!!!!!!!!
          "Dogs best friend"
          "Every dog needs a friend"
          "Tyranny is but a mask that evil wears. Those who fail to perceive it as such, or perceiving it for what it is and deny or ignore it, are destined to be ruled and destroyed by it."
          "Good wife, good sons, good dogs, good guns, what more could one ask of life?
          " 'REAL WARRIORS NEVER CRY ' but it is permissible for their eyes to sweat from time to time"
          " Anyone who doesn't like dogs or guns, is a person never to be trusted!"
          (All the above, Yours Truly
          The only movement to which I want to belong is the bowel movement