No announcement yet.

Military Humor

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Military Humor

    $this->unconvert_size(10pt;line-height:100%">Enjoy Men!
    <span style="font-family:Arial"><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%"></span>
    On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
    >aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
    >middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
    >time is it?"
    >The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
    >The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
    >The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is an American
    >Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500
    >hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft,
    >the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a
    >Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
    >back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel
    >the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
    >alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the
    >keys. "Yours is."

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting
    >at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
    >position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to
    enter, then
    >said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and
    >pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes,
    >sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted
    >man, he asked, "What do you want?"
    >"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
    >your telephone."

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
    >Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
    >Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
    >"Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?"
    >Soldier: "No, SIR!"

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
    >A: He'll tell you

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
    >A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%">>Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
    >A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

    <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"> </span>

    <span style="font-size:10, >"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
    >suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for
    >me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
    >"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
    >never going to stand in line again!")

    John 3:16
    "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

    Romans 12:1-2
    Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. [2] Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

    If you find your self in a fair fight, your tactics suck!- Marine 1st Sergeant Jim Ryfinger

  • #2
    That is funny,
    Thanks Brother!


    • #3
      General Joe Whigham is ordered by the Secretary of Defense to gather together a Navy Lieutenant and Captains from the Army, Marine Corps, and Air Force to discover why the services have trouble communicating with each other. He begins by saying that their first project task is to "secure" a certain building, and asks each of them to go home and prepare a list of steps for the project management plan and bring them to the meeting the next morning.

      The Navy Lieutenant calls his Master Chief and says:

      Tell those swabs to:
      -- Unplug the coffeepots
      -- Turn off the computers
      -- Turn out the lights
      -- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupied

      The Army Captain has his list in his notepad:
      -- Assemble the company
      -- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard
      -- Take control of all exits
      -- Make sure no one gets into the building without a pass

      The Marine Corps Captain writes down his steps on palm of his hand:
      -- Assemble the platoon and supplies
      -- Approach the building along three axes
      -- Bring the building under mortar and SAW fire
      -- Assault the building under covering fire
      -- Sequester surviving prisoners
      -- Establish lanes of fire
      -- Prepare artillery calls
      -- Repel counterattacks

      The Air Force Captain types his list into his laptop:
      -- Contact real estate agent
      -- Negotiate 1-year lease
      -- Be sure to get option to buy
      "No sword? Use a stick. No stick? Use a rock. No rock? Use your fists and feet! Lose your life, but make the enemy pay!"


      • #4
        Aim High, Baby!